GERMINATOR

General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Airbags

–Another Onion Press article.

 

DETROIT—With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday.

  

The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company’s 1997 cars.

“Auto accidents have never been so exciting,” said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. “When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year’s worth of free Mobil gasoline.”

Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive.

“As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, ‘Oh, boy, this could be it—I could be a big winner!'” said Cincinnati’s Martin Frelks, who lost his wife but won $50 Sunday when the Buick LeSabre they were driving hit an oil slick at 60 mph and slammed into an oncoming truck. “When the car stopped rolling down the embankment, I knew Ellen was dead, but all I could think about was getting the blood and glass out of my eyes so I could read that airbag!”

“It’s really addictive,” said Sacramento, CA, resident Marjorie Kamp, speaking from her hospital bed, where she is listed in critical condition with severe brain hemorrhaging and a punctured right lung. “I’ve already crashed four cars trying to win those Super Bowl tickets, but I still haven’t won. I swear, I’m going to win those tickets—even if it kills me!”

 

 Hartford, CT, resident Jonathan Ryerson was killed Sunday when his 1997 Pontiac LeMans hit a freight train. Ryerson won $50 in the accident.

Kamp said that as soon as she is well enough, she plans to buy a new Pontiac Bonneville and drive it into a tree.

GM officials are not surprised the airbag contest has been so well received. “In the past, nobody really liked car wrecks, and that’s understandable. After all, they’re scary and dangerous and, sometimes, even fatal,” GM CEO Paul Offerman said. “But now, when you drive a new GM car or truck, your next serious crash could mean serious cash. Who wouldn’t like that?”

Offerman added that in the event a motorist wins a prize but is killed, that prize will be awarded to the next of kin.

According to GM’s official contest rules, odds of winning the grand prize, a brand-new 1997 Cutlass Supreme, are 1 in 43,000,000. Statistical experts, however, say the real chances of winning are significantly worse. “If you factor in the odds of getting in a serious car accident in the first place—approximately 1 in 720,000—the actual odds of winning a prize each time you step in your car are more like 1 in 31 trillion.”

Further, even if one is in an accident, there is no guarantee the airbag will inflate. “I was recently broadsided by a drunk driver in my new Chevy Cavalier,” said Erie, PA, resident Jerry Polaner. “My car was totaled, and because it was the side of my car that got hit, my airbag didn’t even inflate. But what really gets me is the fact that the drunk driver, who rammed my side with the front of his 1997 Buick Regal, won a $100 Office Depot gift certificate. That’s just wrong.”

Ugh! Please, no more of this ugly man!

I’m sure no one cares about how this was painted though. I’m just bored.

Coldplay–Fix You, Viva La Vida

When it comes to beautiful music, nothing comes close to Coldplay.

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Pink–I’m Not Dead

My Poor Un-used non-digital Cameras

Canon A-1

 This camera was my dad’s since he was in middle school. It has lived to meaningfully serve three generations as you can see in the photos below. I’ve already promised to give it to Mitch.

 I’m convinced that nothing beats a good ol’ ancient single-lens-reflex. I was kind of sad when digital cameras replaced all normal film stuff. Waiting for development was half the fun. flimsy cameras nowadays. I’ve heard of a guy’s classic single lens camera that got run-over by a car & still worked fine.

Canon rules (no?)

Are you a Psycho?

Are you a Psycho ?????

This is a genuine psychological test.

It is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much the dream guy she was searching for that she fell in love with him right then and there but never asked for his name or number and afterward could not find anyone who knew who he was. A few! days later the girl killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

Give this some thought for a while before you check the answer.

 

 

 

Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.
914 arrested serial killers took part in this test and 904 answered it correctly.

If you didn’t answer correctly – good for you.
If your friends hit the jackpot, may I suggest that you keep your distance.

M:H-2 “Let Him Go…NOW!!

DISCLAIMER: The contents of this image reflect foolishness that may not be suitable for those under the age of 23! Scroll down at own risk!

More old stuff

  I found some of my old, old 3D art from when I was like 14. Star Wars Geek.